Peer pressure isn't always negative, sometimes it can enable you to do things that you haven't done before and motivate you to make positive changes.

But a lot of the time peer pressure isn't positive and can lead to you changing yourself for others rather than for yourself. You are being pressurised if you do things you don’t really want to, such as:

- Wearing the 'right' clothes to fit in with a group

- Changing or ending friendships to suit others

- Having sex when you don't want to

- Drinking, smoking or experimenting with drugs.

Take time out to think about what you want from coming out and from relationships and friendships. You don't have to change yourself at all. It's important that you make the decisions about your future.

You may want to try really hard to fit in with your friends but it is always best to make sure that you are doing something because you want to do it.

For example, there is no gay uniform, you can wear whatever feels good for you. Gay men come from different backgrounds and it would be pretty boring if we all looked the same, so find your own style. If you feel good about the way you look other people will notice that too.

Similarly, no one should pressurise you to drink, smoke or take drugs. Check out the scene survival guide for useful information on drug and alcohol and safety.

It is never ok to be pressurised into having sex and if you do not feel safe in a situation it is important to speak out, say no and leave if necessary.

Peer pressure has the potential to take over your decisions, if you are continually pressurised into doing things that you don't want to do, it is pretty likely that you will feel worse afterwards. Don't get caught in the trap, live life the way you want to and make choices that are right for you.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you usually agree to do something that you don't actually like doing just try saying: 'No.' It gets easier with practice!

This article was last reviewed on: 27/10/11
Date due for next review: 27/10/13