Information for parents of young gay and bisexual men

When you feel ready to come out to your parents or carers, they may have many questions. This might be a useful page for them to read. Here are a few sample questions that are often asked:

Q – Is it our fault?
A – Gay and Bisexual men come from all different backgrounds and types of families. Nothing you have done has made your son gay or bisexual. Nobody truly knows why some people are born heterosexual and some gay/bisexual. You can love and support your son without knowing why they are gay/bisexual

Q – Who made my child gay/bisexual?
A – It is a popular misconception that older gay/bisexual men are out to recruit young gay men. Your son may not know anyone who is gay but has come to the realisation that he is attracted to the same sex or both sexes.

Q – Is it just a phase?
A – Coming out as gay or bisexual takes a huge amount of courage and thought and it is more than likely that your son has known for a long time that he feels this way. You must believe what your son is saying as it is highly unlikely that this will change.

Q – Why can’t I accept my son’s sexuality?
A – Your son coming out to you may have come as a great shock. Many parents feel worried about their son’s future in a society that still has problems with homosexuality and bisexuality. Talk these concerns through with your son and maybe try joining a local support group for other parents whose children have come out to them. It may help to hear different perspectives.

Q – How can I tell other people?
A – You should always check with your son that he wants others to know. You may want to talk to friends and relatives for support.  You may get some negative reactions but you may also be surprised at how many people are totally accepting.

Q – What about HIV?
A – ALL parents should ensure that their children know about HIV. This is not just an issue for gay and bisexual men. You may want to check if your son knows where to go for information and advice.

Q – Why did he have to tell me?
A – The answer is simple, your son loves you and wants you to be a part of his life. He wanted to be honest with you so that you could support each other. It may not feel good now but if you learn to accept his sexuality your relationship will be closer and more open.